Madness Re-Begins
by Ultima the Fox
Summary: Henry, aka Ultima, has become the new World Champion and retired in Kalos with his many wives, including Arceus herself! Now that his journey is over, how will he be able to catch up on his fatherly duties, as well as putting up with his team's shenanigans? Set before Chapter 31 of Marriage Madness.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hooray for technical sequels! Unfortunately, it will only be for five or so chapters, because there isn't really much I can do with a fic who's plotline is about dealing with Alice's pregnancy.**

Ultima's PoV

"…So now what? Are we going to go home or something?" I asked.

"But which one? Our home back in Unova or your new house in Kalos?" Miley asked. Alice must have told her.

"It's Alice's call on that one, but the one she made can fit all of us, so…Yeah. We should go to our Kalos home." I decided.

I started picking up the PokeBalls on the stasis tube-ish device and everyone except for Ciara popped out, who was now back to normal. Incredibly tired, but normal.

"Did…Did we win?" Lavanya asked.

"Yes. Yes we did." Alice answered.

There was a brief pause and everyone started cheering. The sudden screaming and squealing in victory made Alice and me wince and get goosebumps…Along with an irritating ringing in my ears.

"We won!_ We won_! Woo hoo!" Natalie hurrahed as she ran around in circles.

"Yeah, sure. Gloat. Toot your horns. You guys earned it." Miley muttered.

"You guys are seriously surprised that we won? C'mon. I know this calls for a celebration, but it's hardly worth bragging about." Ciara grumbled.

"Whaddya mean?! We're the World Champions now!" Lavanya squealed in excitement.

"Yeah, but…Oh never-mind! You're right! Let's party!" Ciara added happily.

As we headed all the way down the stairs with Miley trailing behind, Eris dashed up them and gave Miley a gallon of milk.

"Here's your flipping milk! I don't know why you need it anyway! You're boobies should be plenty to sustain your own kids!" Eris ranted.

"Eris, they're almost going to be three years old. I can't breastfeed them forever!" Miley countered.

"So you're weaning them?" Eris asked.

"No but -"

"A_ha_! You're weaning them so you can make your boobies grow and -"

"_No_, Eris, shut up! It's not like that! Okay, it is but they're beginning to teethe! It's bad enough that they can accidentally suck on it too hard, but now they can accidentally bite me!" Miley raved.

"Then get a breast-pump! Heck, you can get Ultima to squeezes them so you don't have to buy one!" Eris added.

"My breasts are getting tender and one wrong move leads to slight pain." Miley argued.

"Excuses…So do I have to put it in the fridge or something?" Eris asked.

"Yeah, sure go ahead." Miley said nonchalantly. Eris said nothing as she begrudgingly took the gallon back and walked off.

After a good solid five minutes have passed, we were now at the entrance of the World Championship Pokemon League. Alexandria was asleep again, but Miley didn't seem to mind. Behind us, Serene the Pokemart clerk was desperately screaming at us to get us to buy her wares.

"Oh come on! Can you at least buy _something_?! _Anything_?! Ohh. I give up. I only sold _one_ gallon of MooMooMilk today!" she wailed.

"Poor girl. She hasn't sold a thing ever since I hired her…Maybe it's because nobody even knows about this place, much less is strong enough to get here." Miley lamented.

"You should give her a vacation." I suggested.

"Tried to, but she always insists that someone will come here, lose, and will be forced to buy everything she has."

"I knew I should have listened to my mother and finished pastry college!" Serene screamed to herself.

As we were about to teleport away with Alice's help, a female Areodactyl, probably Milo and Ultimari's babysitter Anita, walked up to Miley with them sleeping in her arms.

"Finally got them to sleep. They're a bit excited since tomorrow is their birthday…So, is this the father?" Anita asked after noticing the resemblance.

"Yup! His long journey's finally over! And just in time, too! Pity that he missed Christmas, Thanksgiving, and my birthday, but I'm pretty sure that's what was constantly on his mind, _right_?" Miley added rather threateningly.

"R-Right." I gulped.

To be honest, it wasn't on my mind that much. I kept feeling guilty for missing them rather than trying to make up for it. Granted, I _will_ make it up to her but considering that Alice is pregnant, _her_ needs are kind of on a higher priority right now.

"…So I assume that you're throwing a victory party, or something?" Anita asked.

"You bet we are! You wanna come?" Miley asked.

"Maybe later. Parties aren't really my thing." Anita muttered.

"Aw c'mon! It'll be fun!" Lavanya squealed.

"Well…"

"Yay! We made a new friend!" Lavanya squealed as she hugged Anita.

"Well, I wouldn't really call each other friends, but, alright, I'll roll with it." Anita whispered to herself.

Alice snapped her fingers and as we were teleported inside the house, I was almost instantly met with a syrupy hug from Gabby and a party favor in my face from Aurora.

"Surprise!" Gabby screamed, but Eos just said it monotonously.

"Surprise! Shoot!" Aurora muttered after being one second late.

"How did you know that I won?" I asked.

"Lavanya left the script behind and it was on TV…There were so many, "You're going to lose" cliches that I had to take some migraine medicine!" Gabby chirped.

"I found your teary little reunion quite delightful. It's more of a one person show, really. You should take that on the road." Eos spoke up, again monotonously.

Using her Psychic, she turned on the TV and it showed me in tears with a cartoonish baby cry playing over it. Lavanya giggled a bit before getting elbowed in the ribs by Nina and Eos turned off the TV. Miley looked at me and raised her brow as if saying "How did you get those three?".

"Lavanya and Whitney bought me the lava lamp Gabby was living in and Aurora and Eos didn't have a home." I explained.

"Oh…Well that was rather nice of you to take them in in their time of need." Miley commented.

"Not like we needed it." Eos grumbled.

"Just be grateful we have a home at all! Besides, he's like a father figure to us, and we need that ever since -"

"I know!" Eos shouted.

She burst into tears and ran upstairs. It finally clicked inside my head why she didn't want me to polish the jewel in her necklace a week ago. I was really the Soul Dew, the final remnants of her father before he passed on. She kept it as a necklace to have him always be with them, even in death.

"…You guys go and party. I…I have to go comfort my sister." Aurora muttered sadly.

She walked up the stairs and I looked down in shame. At this, Miley pet my head.

"It's not your fault. I was the one asking for an explanation." she whispered.

After a brief moment of silence, the party began, albeit slowly and awkwardly. I could hear Eos crying and Aurora trying to comfort her. I wondered how they could manage dealing with the loss of their father when their personalities are complete polar opposites of each other. Again, it clicked.

Aurora is sentient to the fact that everything's not sunshine and rainbows and keeps an optimistic attitude. Eos is so monotone because his death sucked out every emotion out of her except for her seriousness, which slowly turned her antisocial, but while still caring for her younger twin sister and became sort of a mother figure to her. Speaking of which, where _is _their mom? Now I'm wondering what Eos' original personality was like. Probably like Aurora's.

After a few minutes, Yang, Psycho, Umbra, Seth, and our mother were teleported in a flash of golden light. Seth gave me a pat on the back, Yang gave me a noogie, Psycho tipped his top hat to me, Umbra kissed me on the cheek, much to Yang's annoyance, and Mom tightly hugged me and showered me in kisses.

"M-Mom! You're embarrassing me!" I said with a blush.

"Is it embarrassing for Mommy to congratulate you?" Mom teased.

She let go and looked at Alice, then at her belly. She smirked and looked at me while nudging me with her elbow. Alice took note of this and cleared her throat, as if the nudging was a joke and that her pregnancy was no laughing matter.

"Oh, Alice. I'm just joking." Mom laughed.

"And see to it that you just are, Melissa. You could've called me fat." Alice grumbled.

"…So, how many are you having? Five? Seven?" Mom asked.

"Two. One male and the other female." Alice answered.

"Well considering his capacity, I could have sworn there would be more than that."

"You were in on this too?! Seriously?!" I said appalled.

"Actually, we all were…I'm pretty sure Drake's the only one who knows that his dear mummy's preggy weggy with you. You're lucky that he's also in on it, otherwise he'd murder you." Umbra piped up.

"What about my granddaughter Grace?" Alice asked. I'd question why she would ask since she's all seeing, but considering that she's occupied with me, I doubt she had the time. Though, to be honest, she could have done it anyway.

"She just thought you ate Goodra." Seth replied.

"Of course she would." Alice sighed.

"I take random offense to that." Gabby grumbled.

"…Hey, has anyone seen Nina?" Lavanya asked.

"I'm outside! Can somevon open the door?" she called out.

"It's already open." I called back.

"Vell it's not easy opening a door vhen you're pushing a piano!" Nina snapped.

"You have a tail!" Eos shouted from outside the window.

"Und you don't think that I'm using it already?!" Nina shouted.

"Just open the door with your tail and push it in!" everyone shouted in perfect unison.

After a small click and an awkward "Oh." from Nina, she pushed in a shiny jet black grand piano.

"…If you're thinking about hauling that thing up the stairs, you can forget about it because I'm warping that thing into your room, so sit down, shut up, and party." Eos yelled.

"But…But I vanted to play it." Nina whispered.

"Too bad!" Eos snapped.

"Ugh. I'd hate to see her as a greeter at a Pokemart." I commented.

"We actually _were_ greeters! Her line was 'Welcome to the Pokemart! Get your shit and get out!' Mine was 'Please ignore my bitchy sister. She's on her period. Have a nice day!'" Aurora replied.

"I'm surprised you two weren't fired." Gabby remarked.

"Ehh. Our boss had the hots for Eos and her rudeness. That's the only reason why the grubby little bastard didn't fire us. He only hired me on the condition that I was supposed to be as rude as Eos."

"I'm not rude! I'm just mildly annoyed at everything." Eos grumbled.

"Umm. Okay. Uhh. Hold Selena."

"Wh-Why?"

"We're gonna see if you're rude or not. Now hold her."

"I-I don't think that's necessary."

"C'mon! All you have to do is hold her!"

"I-I don't want t-"

"Hold the freaking puppy!"

Sammy frowned as Aurora called Selena a puppy, even if she was right. After several attempts to get Eos to say something nice to Selena, the three walked back down the stairs and Eos handed Selena back to her.

After five or so hours of partying, my siblings and my mom were teleported away. Alice brought out chocolate cupcakes and gifts out of nowhere as we celebrated the new year as well as Milo and Ultimari's birthday as they were born at midnight, right on the dot.

The brief party only lasted for fifteen or so minutes and everyone walked upstairs to their respective rooms, with Miley and Gabby following me. I open the door and there was now a golden crib next to the window. Gabby went into her lava lamp and did her gooey business in there while Miley laid down next to me after she tucked Milo and Ultimari into their new crib. She kissed me and rubbed my chest.

"It's so good to have you back." Miley cooed.

"You're the one who sent me, remember?" I reminded playfully.

"Yeah, but I had a perfectly good reason why…Y'know. Aside from giving Alice a kid." Miley said quickly.

"And that would be?" I urged.

"Umm…You know Dave from my old job, right? And remember the week before you left that you took a while to get groceries?" she asked.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Well…When you left for those two hours, Dave visited our house. He told me that his fiance Rosanna had sex with you and…He tried to rape me out of spite. Beat the little lying bastard with a frying pan, is what I did…_Until_ Rosanna herself admitted to doing you."

"Well to be fair -"

"Oh no. Don't try to worm yourself out of this. I knew that you did it with Rosanna, albeit involuntarily, so when Alice came along, I made sure if it that you feel guilty for not telling me about your affair." she growled.

"By having other women force themselves on me like Rosanna?" I questioned.

"Yes. But this time, I know about them. You had the nerve to have Rosanna fuck you behind my back and to not tell me. That hurt me and I was almost raped by Dave because of you not growing a pair to tell me. Now you must face the consequences of your involuntary actions by raising every single child you have."

"Well, in a sense, it's all Rosanna's fault. She blackmailed me! She told me that if I told you, she would tell Dave that I raped her, and that he would sue us out of our house!"

"Well because you kept your lip buttoned, Dave tried to rape me and now he's suing me for an exaggerated injury. Fractured skull, my ass." she grumbled..

We lay there for several seconds of silence and Miley sighed.

"Look, Ultima, honey, I forgive you, and I commend you for keeping your word to Rosanna to not have us out on the street, but I think it's best that you sleep on the couch as a minor punishment for hiding things from me. Granted, I'm the one who sent you off, but for the love of Alice, Skyla gave you a golden Xtransceiver with my number programmed into it!" she whispered.

"Huh…I almost forgot about that thing." I muttered.

"It's on your wrist! How can you possibly - No. You know what? Never-mind. On the couch you go! You're lucky I'm not tying you up outside." she said quickly.

"Good thing the couch is better than the bed." I muttered softly as I slowly got off the bed.

"_Out!_" Miley shouted quietly while throwing a pillow at my head.

**A/N: …Okay, not the best of starts, but at least this give me a good excuse for more character development.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Time for some fourth wall breaking!**

Lavanya's PoV

A month had gone by and love was in the air…Okay, that's too cliche! Who wrote this script?! It's February, it's almost Valentine's Day, Henry went out to go get scented candles or something, and me and the girls were just lounging around the house. But seriously, I have to get a better monologue than just explaining how much time went by and what freaking month it is. Because you guys don't care, right?…Right?

Anyway, I was sitting on the couch with with Ciara, Whitney, and Skyla. Ciara was filing her nails, Whitney was making a sweater for Skyla while she was occasionally rubbing her tummy.

"Gee, it sure is boring around he-"

"I swear, if you mention something from the internet _one more time_, I'm going to shave off your fur!" Ciara growled.

"…That's it?" I asked.

"Well yeah. It's not like I'm going to send you out to get butt raped by horny baby Growlithe puppies." Ciara grumbled.

"Growlithe puppies go into heat?" Whitney asked.

"Yes. Yes they do. Now shut up before we have to bump this thing up to an M rating without any lemons in it." Ciara said quickly.

"Yeah. It's bad enough that we can't have limes, but no lemons? Seriously? Now how am I supposed to make lemonade? This is just incredibly cold sugar water!" I squealed.

"Not _those_ kinds of lemons! I mean…Umm…Uhh…Aw fuck!" Ciara shouted as soon as she realized that she was mentioning something on the internet.

"Looks like you have to shave your fur!" I taunted.

"I don't _have_ fur!" Ciara countered.

"I'm a doughnut!" Gabby squeaked from inside a chocolate doughnut.

Apparently, she's so gooey that she can disguise herself as multiple objects…And by that, I mean fit herself in them. Like her lava lamp, a doughnut, a jar of syrup or honey, and I think she can fit into a cup of Jell-O.

Several hours have passed out of sheer boredom, and it was already six o'clock. Henry came back a few hours ago, not like any of you guys care, and Skyla came back from the Pokemon Center. Apparently, she's due either today or tomorrow…Okay, seriously, you've got to be fucking kidding me. Is that it for this paragraph? I'm so firing the scriptwriter.

"Hey, Lavi?" Whitney started.

"Hmm?" I mewed out.

"Is it true that you liked Pike?" Whitney whispered.

"Eww! No! Dear sweet Arceus, no! I flirted with him, yeah, but that was just to make him stay so he could go home! He was like the big brother I never had! A grouchy one, but still!"

"Please explain why you got an achievement?"

"Well I had to take _something_ off that list! It was either that or 'Finally fucking your Master!' I like Henry and all, but just as a friend. And I''m pretty sure Natalie and Abigail also like him the same way. Natalie only did him for the sake of a movie." I answered.

Ciara opened her mouth to say say something, but I cut her off immediately.

"Before you compare this to Daki's thing with Shadow, she was a bitch. End of story. I wanted to help Pike get home. Daki toyed with Henry's emotions and up and ditched him for Shadow the second she noticed him. I'm not saying we can't have mates because it'll hurt his feelings, but since we love him so much, why _would_ we want to leave? And Whitney's bisexual!" I added.

Whitney blushed immensely the second I mentioned her sexual preferences. It's pretty damn obvious, really. She's the reason why I evolved! Just look at the summary of whatsitsname and tell me you can't figure it out! Honestly, it's more like "The Aron Show" now! I'm the main protagonist, damn it! I'm not saying having OCs are bad, but for fucks sake, he's stealing my damn spotlight! Wait…Whaddya mean you're gonna leave if I go off the script again?! I'm _boring_ you? Well maybe you should appreciate my sense of humor! Okay, okay! Fine! I'll stop! Put the pitchfork and the torches down, put the bomb back in your bag, and put away the rape fic idea. That one's just plain gross.

"You know what, girls? Let's just go shopping!" I announced after a few seconds of silence.

"But it's six o'clock! Most of the stores are closed by now!" Ciara argued.

"Then lets find one that doesn't close until ten!" I squealed.

And so we did. The others didn't want to go shopping, so it was just me, Ciara, Whitney, Skyla, and Doughnut Gabby. We spent a good three hours in there, and yes we _did _buy something! Actually, we spent two hours shopping, the third was just for dinner at a buffet.

Whitney bought herself more knitting materials while selling some seaters in the process, Ciara bought more Metal Coat lotion, Skyla bought diapers and airplane themed clothes for her son Luke, Doughnut Gabby got nothing as she was in a doughnut, and I bought a construction cone, a sombrero, a fire extinguisher, and a rubber chicken. Don't ask. Oh! And we also watched a two hour documentary about planes…And Skyla was the only one interested in it. Who knows what Doughnut Gabby did while we were asleep. We were back home by eleven o'clock and - Holy Arceus! Skyla's water just broke!

She was whimpering on the ground, clutching her tummy in pain. We were all teleported to a Pokemon Center and Skyla's screams of agony echoed throughout the waiting room. Only Henry and Alice were let in, and the kids stayed behind at the house with their respective mothers…So by "we" I meant me, Whitney, Doughnut Gabby, Aurora, Eos, Natalie, and Abigail.

"Just push, Skyla! It's almost over!" Henry urged.

"I've been doing this for almost an hour!" Skyla screeched.

I looked at the clock and it was indeed almost midnight. Skyla's wails were becoming louder and longer with each passing second. Skyla was now arguing with Alice to take away the pain, but Alice told her that just because she's friends with a goddess didn't mean that she could bypass the pain of childbirth.

The clock struck midnight and Skyla's yelling was replaced with the crying of a newborn baby. A female Audino ushered us into the room and Skyla was holding her son Luke. His skin was like Skyla's and he had golden highlights in his auburn hair. He was wrapped up in a light blue blanket like a little taco and the cord was already cut.

"Have you already picked out a name for the little guy?" the Audino asked.

"Yes. We're naming him Luke." Skyla replied. She glanced at Henry and added, "No. You can't abandon him for fifteen years, become an evil overlord, and say, 'Luke, I am your father.' It doesn't work that way."

"Well that depends on what your last name is." Henry answered.

"Oh geez. I hope I don't get sued…It's Skywalker." Skyla muttered.

"So it's Skyla Skywalker?" Henry asked surprising a laugh.

"Oh shut up! The day you get to judge my last name is the day you legally change your first name from Ultima to Henry! No, Alice doesn't count." Skyla snapped.

"Is your last name really Skywalker?" I asked.

"…To be honest, I don't even know if I _have_ a last name." Skyla said with a giggle.

At this point, little Luke stopped crying and was contently sleeping in his mother's arms while occasionally snoring. Henry kissed his forehead and smiled at both him and Skyla.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Skyla." Henry whispered.

"…Okay, I'd hate to be the buzz-kill here, but I'm just gonna prepare the little guy's birth certificate." the Audino muttered while beginning to leave the room. She stopped and turned back around.

"Wait. So the little guy is just going to be named Luke? Neither of you guys have a last name?" she asked.

"Nope." Skyla and Henry replied at the same time.

"Huh…Fastest birth certificate ever." the Audino muttered while walking off.

She came back after five minutes with a gold framed, diamond encrusted birth certificate with pure white paper in it.

"Aaand here you go, Mrs. Skyla, Gym Leader ma'am!" she said cheerily.

She handed it to Skyla and smiled at Luke. She pet him and he made a small mewing noise as he nuzzled her hand. The Audino giggled and turned to Alice.

"Would you like an ultrasound, Lady Arceus?" she asked.

"Oh, that's quite alright, Amelia. I already know that I'm having twin baby Arcei. One of them is a boy and the other one is a girl." Alice replied.

"Of course. Silly me. Well, you guys can leave whenever you want. I'm going to bed…And don't ruin that complimentary blanket! It's a rental!" she added.

"A rental? From who?" Ciara asked.

"From me!" the Audino snapped.

"But it's complimentary!" Doughnut Gabby whined.

"…Did that doughnut just talk? Oi. I've been working _way_ too hard." the Audino muttered.

**A/N: DOUGHNUTS!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone! And please read this on Mother's Day since I'll be very busy that day and have no time to update this for context purposes.**

Ultima's PoV

_Dear manly journal, I have no idea why I have you, but Alice thought it would be funny if I did. Maybe it's because she can read my thoughts while I write, making privacy completely nonexistent, which is what you're made for…A few hours ago, all of Alice's children, except for one, made a surprise visit to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. They all brought gifts, and a few joked that she was getting a bit chubby…Until she told them all that she was pregnant. Not by me, of course, but via asexual reproduction, so her children wouldn't have a vendetta against me. After the party, she seemed to be upset. I think she's still crying in the corner! Yeah, I'll get back to you in a few hours when something interesting comes up…Provided Alice doesn't murder me._

I closed up the journal, closed up my inkwell, and cleaned off the quill while setting it aside. I got up from my chair, walked downstairs, and sure enough, Alice was still crying, now eating chocolate ice cream in between her sobs.

"Are you oka-"

"No! I'm not okay!" Alice interrupted.

"…Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, fully knowing that she was going to ramble off about it anyway.

"No…Okay, fine, yes! It's bad enough that I'm rivaled by my daughter Harmony and _her_ daughter Grace, but my first born daughter practically forgot about Mother's Day, but I bet she's having so much fun with Sarecus that she forgot that I existed! Well the consequences still exist for whoring herself out half a year ago!" Alice screamed.

"Uhhh…"

"…I just don't understand. I'm the goddess of everything and my strength is outclassed by Blade Form Aegislash, both forms of Kyurem, and Mega Scizor -"

"Huh?" Ciara piped up.

"My speed is rivaled by Harmony and Grace, and Noivern -"

"Vhat?" Nina spoke up while cradling a sleeping Vlad.

"And my defenses are outclassed by Carbink, Shield Form Aegislash, a fucking Shuckle, Mega Tyranitar and Mega Aggron, and don't get me _started _on those fucking Mega Evolutions!" Alice continued.

"Alice, I'm pretty sure you have one too…" I said in an attempt to cheer her up.

"Last time I checked Bulbapedia, no, I don't!" she screamed.

At this point, I wasn't sure whether she was actually this angry, or if it was just the mood swings kicking in. I'm going with both.

"Are you happy right now?"

"Yes! I'm very fucking happy! I'm the hap hap happiest goddess in the world! I feel like I'm in fucking Legoland! Woop dee fucking do! I can just _explode_ with happiness! That's just how fucking happy I am!" Alice screamed.

"…You don't look very happy."

She gave an ear splitting scream and ran upstairs to her room, which made Nina almost drop a now awake Vlad who was crying due to his shortened nap and the scream. Alice cried for a good solid twenty minutes. I slowly walked up the stairs and slowly opened the door to which Alice slammed it shut in protest.

"Don't come in! I'm naked!" she yelled.

"Alice, I had sex with you and impregnated you. I'm pretty sure I can -"

"You _dare_ to disobey me?!"

"Well, no, but -"

"Then leave! It's bad enough that I'm contemplating my worth in this world and that my first born daughter forgot about her own mother, especially today, and now _you_ think I'm giving you leeway to disobey me just because I'm bearing your child!"

"Alice, you made this world and you can destroy it. Competitive strength has nothing to do with that and pretty sure she had a perfectly good reason to forget." I assured her.

"And what, pray-tell, is that?" she snapped. I said nothing.

"…I bet she's having the time of her life, getting screwed silly on a constant basis." she muttered.

"Well you can't refuse a goddess, right? Maybe she keeps forcing it on him, therefore he can't refuse, otherwise he'd face the consequences!" I pointed out.

"That may be true, but she only did it once in the Unova Victory Road for a week!" she argued. Again, I said nothing.

"…Alright, you wanna come in that badly? Fine. Go ahead." she grumbled.

I walked into the room and Alice was in the middle of wapping a sarashi around her chest while putting on a white robe with a golden belt. And instead of her normal golden high heels, she had golden sandals revealing her stark white feet with finely trimmed golden toenails. Not sure if they were painted or natural.

"Nice pajamas." I joked.

"They're not pajamas! It's a furisode!" she snapped as she finished wrapping the sarashi.

"So are you going somewhere special?" I asked.

"Yes. Yes I am…And you're coming with me! Think of it as a date!" Alice squealed.

"So where are we going?" I asked.

"To the Sushi High Roller." she replied

"Well that explains the outfit." I concluded.

"…You know what I should do? I should send her a letter! "Dear failure of a daughter who acts like a slut, I'm sending you this letter because I'm disowning you and I forever loathe you for what you have done. Not only did you have sex with someone without any thought of what I might do, but you have the gall to forget about Mother's Day! Sincerely, your sexy ass mother who's pregnant and probably has kids at this point via asexual reproduction."…That sounded too nice." she grumbled.

"As if it weren't cruel enough?" I commented. She said nothing.

Without warning, we were teleported to the entrance of the Sushi High Roller. I started to walk, but she grabbed my arm.

"Not yet. I need your opinion of that letter. Should I or should I not send it?" she asked.

"Well you can't ignore and hate her forever. You're her mother!"

"I begrudgingly admit that I can't treat her like that, but she knew what she was getting into! That tiny shred of morality and acknowledgement of my wrath was just blinded by the ninety-nine point nine nine percent of lust and the need for sex…Let's just go in. I can't hate my daughter even more on an empty stomach. And don't get me started on Sarecus!" she grumbled.

As soon as we entered, Alice was being showered in admiration and I was being snubbed away, as usual.

"Lady Arceus, it's an honor to have you here! We offer only the finest cuisine to you, my lady." a waiter beamed

"How awfully generous of you, but I have an acquaintance with me. I should see to it that he should be treated with respect as well as I am."

"…As you wish, my lady." he whispered.

He led us to our table and walked to the back. A few seconds later, a waitress came up to us, notepad and pen in hand, and almost dropped them at the sight of Alice.

"Well this is new! Lady Arceus herself eating here with a friend of hers!"

"He…He's more than just a friend, really." Alice said with a blush as she rubbed her tummy.

"Well, tickle me pink! You finally got a mate! So what wouldja like?"

"I think I'll have something that probably won't offend Alice." I said.

"Henry, it's okay. Some Pokemon were meant to be eaten…Heck, even _I've_ eaten some." Alice admitted.

"That's just plain disturbing." I commented.

"So? Abigail eats Tuaros steak and you don't say anything about that." Alice quipped.

"It's different. You're the goddess of everything. Don't you feel impure, for lack of a better word, when you eat what you created?" I asked.

"Only certain Pokemon are eaten." she replied.

"It doesn't matter. Considering that there are a whole bunch of anthropomorphic Pokemon, wouldn't killing them off for food be murder?" I questioned.

"…You _do_ realize that there _are_ non-anthro Pokemon, right? Those are the ones that are eaten." Alice deadpanned.

"Still. You eating your own creations is just so jarring."

"Well maybe you shouldn't question what the hell I do, and mind your damn business." she growled.

_Maybe you should take your own advice and not judge Aversa…_I thought.

The waitress had already left during our conversation and came back with two plates full of sushi.

"Hey! Thanks for waitin'! Here's your nigri sushi, temaki sushi, oshizushi, chirashizushi, narezushi, and inarizushi! The taste'll blow your mind! This is on the house! Dig in!" she squealed.

As she was walking away, she stopped and whispered "Come up and sushi me sometime." in my ear, causing me to blush. Seriously, what the heck was that all about? I swear, she has a sushi fetish.

The chirashizushi, narezushi, and inarizushi were on Alice's plate, while the nigiri sushi, the temaki sushi, and the oshizushi were on mine. Alice was already eating and I blankly stared at my plate.

"…Henry, whether it freaks you the fuck out or not, some Pokemon were meant to be eaten. Now shut up and eat your sushi, or I'l do it for you." Alice added.

I sighed in defeat and slowly started eating the nigri shushi. The more and more I chewed, the more I wanted to become a vegetarian. Alice rolled her eyes and occasionally looked to the right.

I looked to where Alice kept looking at and I saw three men and a woman sitting on a table with a plethora of plates on the side with the man to my left. He was bald, as fat as a Snorlax, had beady brown eyes, a Slaking-like snout, and was wearing casual yellow sweater with black jeans and shoes.

The fat man two chairs to the right of him, Alice's right, was balding, had a bulbous nose, and had a snow white Walrien-like mustache. He wore a beige tuxedo with a green tie, along with matching pants and black boots, and a gold watch on his left arm. He wasn't really fat, just slightly overweight.

The lanky one had a face like a Raticate and his nose was long and crooked. He wore a black tux and a red tie, along with the same shoes as the man next to ohm, only smaller. His jet black hair was slicked back and his green eye twinkled in greed as he stared at the woman sitting to the left of him. She was blonde, her hair styled in a ponytail, and wore a black trench coat, a brown fedora, and black sunglasses while putting on red lipstick.

Alice wrinkled her nose as she saw the really fat man pigging out on a footlong sushi sandwich as the other three were discussing something in French. She finished her sushi, ate the rest of mine, got up from her chair, and walked to the man on my left.

"J'aurais juste un mot ȃ te dire: régime et exercice." Alice commented.

"Ça fait trois mots!" he replied with his mouth full.

"On parler pas la bouche pleine mon gros." Alice muttered.

"C'est ça…Zut, j'ai oublié de mettre de la moutarde! Je reviens!" he called back to his colleges as he rushed to the kitchen.

"Hé! Où est-ce que tu crois aller commer ça?!" someone in the back yelled, but by the sound of her voice, it could've been the same waitress that tended to us.

Alice huffed and slowly walked off, muttering something that greatly offended the other fat man.

"Eh bien le gros lard en question va vous arracher la cœur!" he shouted.

"Te menaces sont presque aussi ridicules que ta moustache." Alice quipped.

"Ouais, J'avais remarqué." the lanky man snickered, making the fat one just get angrier.

"Dites, ou est-ce que vous allez vivre quand votre monde sera mort, les gars? Oh c'est vrai! Vous serez morts vous aussi! Alors ça c'est vraiment pas de chance!" Alice laughed cruelly.

"Je détruirai tout ce que vous aimez et je vous forcerai à regarder!" he bellowed.

The man was now slamming his fists on the table like a child which made Alice laugh even harder. The table suddenly split vertically in two and he rubbed his hands in pain while groaning.

"Chef, vos mains…" the woman spoke up.

"Tant qu'elles ont encore le force d'étrangler un Arceus, mes mains vont très bien." he said coldly.

Alice rolled her eyes and we teleported home. Lavanya and Ciara were on lawn chairs drinking lemonade with unopened buckets of white paint next to them.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Alice barked.

"Taking a break from repainting the house?" Ciara muttered.

"But you didn't even…Vous n'êtes qu'une bande d'incapables! Dire que je ne peux même pas vous confier la plus simple de tâches! Très bien…Nous pouvons faire tourner ceci â noter avantage…Wait a minute! No we can't! How can we possibly use that to our advantage?! Oh wait! I know!" Alice concluded.

She picked up the paint and dumped it onto them. They scurried off the chairs and knocked over their glasses.

"Get back to work!" Alice called out.

_Dear manly mind journal, French Alice scares the crap out of me…Remind me to call my mom._

**A/N: He won't...I've been updating in a ten day radius. Have you noticed that? Oh! And Happy early Mother's Day, everyone!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I seriously hope you guys aren't brushing your teeth or eating anything while reading the bottom bit of this chapter.**

Ultima's PoV

A few weeks later after the little fiasco at the Sushi High Roller, Alice seemed to have calmed down a bit. Still mad at Aversa? Yes. Will she shut up about it? No. No she will not. And, yes, I did call my mom later that day. Stop asking.

I woke up at about eleven thirty with Miley sleeping to my left and Gabby in her lava lamp, as usual. Although this time, instead of me waking up to look at the ceiling until Miley woke up, I found Vlad sitting on my chest and licking at my face as he made little chirping noises with Nina sitting on a chair nearby.

"H-Hey! That tickles!" I laughed a bit.

He kept licking my face and he made a squeaky screech in happiness. I saw Nina smiling and she picked up Vlad as she kissed me on the lips.

"Good morning, sveetheart." Nina purred.

"Sweetheart? That's a first." I commented.

"Vell vhat did you vant me do do? Give you breakfast in bed?" she snapped.

"Well…" I trailed off.

"…You're lucky I'm in a good mood enough to kiss you in the morning, but don't expect me to vake up at five in the morning just to make you breakfast." she grumbled.

"It's eleven thirty." I commented.

"Is it? Vell now that you're avake, I'm guessing you vant brunch?" she asked in a playfully irritated tone, if that was even possible.

"You sound like you want me to get it myself." I grumbled.

"I do, but I'm in such a good mood today, that I decided to do this."

She started rubbing her well endowed chest on my face, prompting my to gently push her off.

"What are you doing?!" I asked.

"Giving you your brunch." Nina replied.

"Your breast-milk is for Vlad!" I reminded

"So? His teeth are growing in and he's old enough to eat soft fruits." she remarked.

"That's no excuse for practically sexing me up in the morning in front of my sleeping wife and our awake son." I grumbled.

"It's eleven thirty." she mocked.

"…So why the whole spectacle?" I asked.

"Because I vant you, me, and little Vladdie to go and visit my parents."

"So you had Vlad wake me up at eleven thirty to have me chug down your breast-milk as breakfast so we can meet your parents?" I asked.

"Pretty much…Don't lie, you vanted to haff a taste." she added with a giggle.

"….That may be true, but -"

"But nothing. Get up, shut up, get dressed, and let's go!" she snapped impatiently.

She picked up Vlad, who promptly nuzzled her arm, and I walked out of the room five minutes later, being careful to not wake Miley up as I dressed. As Nina and I walked down the stairs, I was greeted by Milo and Ultimari hugging my legs.

"Vell you're von busy father today." Nina commented.

"Dada, I hungwy." Milo mewed.

Given my current agenda and Nina's lack of patience, I decided to use parenting tip number five hundred seventy eight point forty two: distracting my kids with car keys…Okay. Seriously? Why do I have car keys? I don't even have a car much less drive one!

I jingled the keys around above the two's heads and they started giggling. When they tried to reach up and grab them, I threw them at Alice, who also started jingling them. Milo and Ultimari ran towards Alice and tried to grab them, still giggling, but to no avail. She walked over to me, keys still jingling, and and kissed my cheek.

"So, where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm going to meet Nina's parents while taking care of Vlad."

"And I suppose that you want me to take care of Milo and Marie while you're gone, right?" she asked.

"Right…They're easy to take care of and you can have Miley help you when she wakes up." I added.

"You really think I'll need help? I raised forty two legendaries when I was twenty years old and we have two little ones on the way…Speaking of which, what should we name them?" she added.

"I don't know. Probably something regal, majestic, or just plain awesome." I answered.

"Sooo…Sephiroth and Samus?" I suggested.

"Yes! Thank you! Finally, you think of something! Sephiroth are the fruits of the Tree of Life, aka my daughter Xerna, and they surround the infinite while relating to the finite!" she rambled.

"So using basic logic, would that mean you're also a Tree of Life as your life is infinite and your surrounded by mortals?" I asked.

"Precisely! Imma tree! I should have a tree party with Xerna sometime. She's been having more fights with her sister Yvonne ever since they tagged along with your brother Seth." she added.

"Can ve please go? My parents are expecting me at tvelve o' clock sharp and there's no vay I can get there in tventy minutes!" Nina snapped.

"Okay. Okay. You two have fun. I'll stay behind and watch the little tykes. G'bye!" Alice called out as we walked out the door.

Nina wrapped her tail around my waist, still carrying Vlad, and took off into the air. Vlad squeaked a bit and Nina descended to the ground. We stopped in front of the Battle Chateau and Vlad made an excited screech while fluttering his wings. He seemed to be reaching out to grab something.

Nina let me go and walked over to a fruit merchant walking back and forth in front of a Daycare Center. On further inspection, the fruit merchant was Serene the Poke-Mart clerk back at the World Championship League. A red headed female trainer and the Daycare Man were too busy watching a mother Zebstrika going at it with her newly born baby Blitzle. If I had to guess, she was IV breeding.

"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes! I've been walking here since nine in the morning hoping someone would buy some fruits and berries." Serene beamed.

"So you're taking a break from selling things…To sell more things?" I asked.

"Yup! It's pretty boring in there. I'm awfully lonely what with nobody coming in. And, no, your siblings don't stand around there all day either. It's just me…Waitin'…Alexandria just leaves when she wants to, because let's be honest here, guard duty is the easiest job ever." she rambled.

"About time you went out to get some sun." Nina commented.

"Says the vampire." I chuckled.

"It's just a common misconception! I'm not a vampire! I'm a fruit bat! _A fruit bat!_" she stressed.

"A _vampire_ fruit bat." I joked.

"_Okay_, that's enough arguing, you two. That'll be two hundred PokeDollars for the Deluxe Fruit Basket Berry Supreme."

"Wait what?" I said in confusion.

"I can see your baby Noibat reaching out for it."

"His name is Vlad…Vait. Two hundred? Are you crazy?"

"No, that would be Eris, and crazy is an understatement to her." Serene replied.

"…Vell? Vhat are you vaitting for? Pay her!" Nina snapped.

"Why do I have to do it?"

"He's your son!"

"He's your son too!"

"Okay! Okay! Fine! It's on the house! Just take it! I can't stand seeing a couple argue when there's a hungry baby on the line." Serene yelled while shoving the basket of neatly organized fruit and berries in my hands.

"Better hold on tight. Vhere ve're going is on the edge of Kalos." Nina warned.

She wrapped her tail around me again and took off once more. As we flew across Kalos, I started getting airsick. We were now a bit past Terminus Cave and all I could see was woodland and a small river acting like some sort of border or trail. And sure enough, as soon as Nina started following it, we were now above an enormous zoo-like area.

"What is this place?" I asked as we slowly landed.

"It's a secret resort for retired Pokemon. A retirement home vould just be putting it bluntly." she answered.

"So why is there no path leading there?" I asked.

"The founders never thought a path vas necessary. The river is more of a path if anything, even if it is a Vater Type exclusive area." Nina explained.

We started walking around and Nina seemed to be looking for something.

"N…N…Ah! There! The Noivern and Noibat section! Come on! I can't vait for you to meet my family!" she said excitedly.

"Let's just hope that it doesn't end up like how I met Lucy's mom." I muttered.

"The only difference is that my mother's not a sex hungry plot convenient whore."

"Even if that was true, I still love Lyra….Scratch that. I love everyone on the team. Yeah, Whitney's bisexual, Lavi's random, Natalie's hydrophobic even though she showers, and Ciara's a little cruel to be kind, but still."

"If you say so…Oh! Ve're here!"

We were now in front of a mansion-like building. It was made of stark white marble and the mahogany door had Noivern wings at the top. Vlad was contently nomming at the sliced bananas in his little fruit basket, squealing and flapping his wings every so often as he ate.

As we entered the building, Nina tightened her corset outfit while fiddling with the bow-tie. If memory serves me correctly, the bow-tie itself is what tightens it. She got out a tongue cleaner and scrubbed away at her tongue as well as Vlad's, much to his displeasure. She quickly combed herself and groomed Vlad with her tongue, prompting him to giggle, before combing him with a familiar looking toothbrush.

"Wait…Is that my toothbrush?!"

"Yes. Vhy? Does the fur of your own flesh and blood disgust you?" she growled.

"N-N-No! But why my toothbrush of all things to comb him with?" I asked.

"Something tells me that something vill go wrong, so think of it as premeditative revenge. Be on your best behavior. As you know, I _am_ royalty, and I vill not tolerate humiliation in front of my own family."

"As you wish, _princess_."

"I vould say my actual title, but they change depending on your strength. Its either Duchess or Grand Duchess like my mother." she added.

Nina walked pass the front desk and entered through a platinum elevator while pushing me in it.

"Hey! Don't shove!" I growled.

"Tough. Let's see…If memory serves me correctly, they should still be on the tenth floor, room 78C." she mumbled as she pressed the gold rimmed button.

The elevator closed and as we ascended to the tenth floor, Nina started to fidget in fear. She was about to bite her nails in nervousness, but I think her pride is was stopped her from doing it.

The elevator opened and Nina led me through a vast hallway with regal looking doors. She opened the door to room 78C without knocking and slowly closed it behind us. It was pitch black but Nina and Vlad were the only ones who could see.

"Who goes there?" a deep raspy voice asked.

"Father, it's me." Nina squeaked.

"Ahh. Nina. It vas about time you remembered to visit your family." her father crooned.

"…Vhere's everyvon else?" Nina asked.

"Vincent is at Smogon University, Hector's in the back taking care of your brothers Victor and Thomas, your mother is sleeping up here vith me, and Hector's bride is in the kitchen." he explained.

"Hector's married?" Nina asked.

"Yes. He married another Noivern a few veeks after you left…Und I see your found somevon as vell. Tell me. Is that your mate?" he asked.

"Um…Vell, I -"

"Speak up!" he barked.

"He's my master _and_ my mate!" Nina shouted.

"…"

"…Father?" Nina asked in fear.

"You're disgusting. You dare to show your face after you mate vith a human and bore his child vhile being nothing more than his slave?!" he snarled. Nina gasped and looked like she wanted to cry.

"F-Father, I -"

"Enough! You are a disgrace! Leave my sight and never return!" he shouted.

Nina was on the verge of tears, but instead of crying she was laughing. A cruel insane cackle that could Eris a run for her money.

"You disgrace your family heritage, you bore child to a mere human, and now you mock me?"

Without warning, Nina blasted out a Dragon Pulse at her father and with a groan, he fell to the ground with a thud.

"You haff the nerve to strike me? I gave you life and this is how you repay me, you ungrateful whore?!" he roared.

"Shut up." Nina snapped.

I saw her eyes flash purple, red, and finally yellow, before staying that way and I could faintly see her conjuring up the same spiky balls she used back when I fought against Miley.

"N-No…This is impossible. There's no vay you could haff _his _power!" her father whispered.

"Und it didn't occur to you that it could haff been genetically passed?" Nina snarled.

"Can someone clue me in on this?" I asked.

"Vhat right do you haff to learn about a Noivern's most rarest power?" her father growled.

"He has every right to know,_ Father_. Lore states that there vas a Noivern so powerful that he could rival Darkrai himself in the realm of dreams. Known to feed off nightmares and to cause them, he vas exiled. Und now it looks like I'm his descendant." Nina explained. She walked back to me, eyes back to normal and opened the door.

"You're getting your vish after all. I never vant to see you again, not after how you treated me. _Goodbye!_" she shouted.

She slammed the door and dragged me along to the elevator without saying a word. She dragged me out of the elevator, out of the mansion-like building, and grabbed my mouth.

"Don't you fucking dare say anything. I vant you to keep your damn mouth shut. Go vander around. I need time to myself and take Vlad with you." she muttered while handing Vlad to me.

Vlad licked my cheek and mewed a little while looking back at Nina and tilting his head. I pet his head and we started to walk around aimlessly to the point where I found myself in the Greninja section. I bumped into a familiar looking female Greninja and she took out a watery shuriken - readying herself to throw it.

"Oh. It's just you." she grumbled as she put it away.

"Wait…Gretchen, is that you?" I asked.

"What does it look like? I'm not always with your sister Umbra, you know."

"Fwoggy!" Vlad squealed.

Gretchen's eyes widened a bit as Vlad grabbed her overly long tongue and started hugging it. The more he hugged and the more Gretchen tried wriggling her tongue away, the more she started to notice that she was inadvertently licking him everywhere - and I do mean _everywhere_.

Vlad eventually started to lick her tongue and this was probably the closest to making out combined with tongue wrestling that Vlad will get at this point in time.

"Pl-Please get your son off my tongue. This is embarrassing." Gretchen squeaked.

"Nuuu…" Vlad mewed as I picked him up.

"I think he has a crush on you." I commented.

"You don't say?" Gretchen said in a bored tone.

Vlad absentmindedly began to eat up his fruit basket and Gretchen smiled a bit. She took a whiff of the air and scrunched up her nose…Well, at least I think she did. She cleaned off her tongue of Vlad's fur and rolled her tongue back in her mouth.

"…You know, I always wondered how you could talk when your tongue is wrapped around you like a scarf." I remarked.

"And I always wondered why my brother gets an invitation to some sort of tournament along with Layla and Charlotte's bothers…Mega Smack Siblings or something." Gretchen added.

Gretchen looked over to the Garchomp section and raised a brow at a Garchomp freaking out over his Mega Evolution.

"Oh dear sweet Arceus, you cruel cruel bitch! _How in the name of the Distortion World do I masturbate with these?!" _he roared as he flailed around his scythes for hands.

"Huh…Well that just happened. Well, Henry, it's been fun, but I have to go. See ya soon."

Vlad made a squeal in dismay as Gretchen sped off and I pet him to comfort him. He must really have a crush on her…Though, I am wondering how in the world can a baby bat and an adult ninja frog with cup size that can rival Whitney would be able to mate. Then again, I did impregnate Alice, and besides, it really is a wonder how Gretchen can move so fast what with her breasts causing lag. Maybe she uses their bounciness to cause extra momentum - I don't know. I'm not a scientist.

Nina came back a few minutes later, looking a bit calmer than last time. She handed me my toothbrush and - Wait a minute. This looks brand new.

"Nina, what did you do to my actual toothbrush?" I asked.

"Vell I vas so angry at you for not sticking up for me, so I dumped it into the Garbodor and Muk sections, but then I realized that it vasn'tt your fault and saying something could haff just made the situvation vorse, so I felt bad and bought you a new von."

"You took my toothbrush…And dumped it into the…Oh Arceus, I think I'm going to be sick! That's disgusting!" I shouted.

"Ewwww." Vlad squealed.

"I don't think I'll be able to look at this thing the same way again!" I added.

"I think it vent into a used condom vhen I threw it into the Garbodor section. Good think I did that last." Nina mused.

"Gah! Damnit! J-J-Just take the toothbrush back! You made me want to stop brushing my teeth!" I yelled.

"That von't be good for your oral hygiene."

"I'll just get Alice."

"She vont care."

"And neither do I!" I declared.

We went back home with Vlad sleeping in his now empty fruit basket in Nina's arms and Lavanya came up to me holding up purple toothpaste.

"Hey, Henry, you should try this rape flavored toothpaste! It kinda made me wanna eat it."

"That says grape, Lavi."

"It does? Oh and I suppose this says "Cum Bucket" with the C written in reverse and not "Chum Bucket"…Seriously, vomit looks like chum." she added. And indeed, it was what the aforementioned bucket said.

Remembering the whole toothbrush fiasco, I bolted in the house and up to my room with my cheeks bulging with barf.

"Huh. What's up with him?" Lavanya asked.

Nina whispered the whole ordeal into Lavanya's ear and she slowly looked at the bucket.

"…Did you really have to whisper it in my ear? You could have mumbled it a mile away, and I would have heard it just fine."

"Yes. Yes I did." Nina responded.

"Huh…Well, Imma throw up now…Bleh."

**A/N: Well that just happened. And no, I was not making a rape joke. A rape is also the stalks and skins of grapes left over when winemaking, usually used in vinegar.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Cats!**

Lavanya's PoV

A week went by after Henry's little visit to Nina's parents and life continued as usual. Whitney's sweater business has been a bit spotty and Ciara bought herself an acoustic and an electric guitar. No idea why, but at least she bought it with Henry's money. Wait. Is that a bad thing?

I woke up at approximately one twenty six in the afternoon and I sleepily waddled over to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth for a good solid five minutes with the grape flavored toothpaste and I gargled the cherry flavored mouth wash until I got sick of the taste. I rinsed my mouth with lukewarm water and wiped away any drops of water with my arm.

I left the bathroom and went downstairs to see the funniest thing ever. Poor Henry was flailing around in circles while Sarah was clinging to his face with her newly developed claws. And yes he was bleeding, but it wasn't major...It was funny to me, damn it!

He pried his hyperactive daughter off him and she sadly whimpered. I think she just wanted a hug, and she clearly did as she tried hugging his face again, only to repeatedly slash his face. Rachel picked up her squirming baby and went outside to the small beach, where Sarah happily wiggled around in the sand.

"Oww…" Henry groaned.

"Are you okay?" Natalie asked.

"I'm fine. It's just a scratch." he responded.

"Your face was slashed up by a Shiny baby Rayquaza! I can see your face muscles!" Natalie exclaimed.

"It's just a flesh wound." he replied.

I looked over to Alice and she was busy reading a newspaper. Wait. We get newspapers? People know where we live? Huh…Oh shit! People know where we live! I have to hide my clothes, eat my jewelry, burn my porn, flush my weed, and - Oh wait. I forgot. Alice goes to town to get the newspapers…Wait a minute. I don't have weed! _Or_ porn! Why would I even have that? I know Whitney has porn, but I honestly doubt any of us have weed. This is a kid friendly environment!

Anyway, Alice snapped her fingers and Henry's wounds instantly healed. No scars too, but I'll be honest, if he had a scar that was well placed and looked badass and had an eyepatch, I'd probably have sex with him. I'd do it with or without the scar or the eyepatch either way, but I'm just sayin' that he'd look a bit sexier with it.

I tummy growled loudly and I blushed meekly as I started eating some leftover pancakes. Nobody seemed to mind, so I ate away at the leftovers and made a small burp. As I finished eating, Gabby sloshed out of a doughnut and started eating it. I got up from the table and walked back upstairs.

"Where ya goin' Lavi?" Whitney asked.

"I'm gonna get a few things. I'll be back downstairs." I replied with a blush.

The reason why? It's because being called Lavi is a bit embarrassing for me. Just add a B and it would become Blavi, who's that annoying ass Spritzy form the Odyssey of Zelkova…Wait. That's a tree. Zelkovas are trees, right?

I sprinted up the stairs and went back in my room. I took out a banana and two oranges, which were glued to a pillow, and laid it down on my bed. My initial blush grew out of pure embarrassment out of what I was about to do. I took out a washable marker and drew a smiley face on the pillow. The banana was already peeled, so it was wedged in those weird plastic lubricant things that you try to keep in your hand but it looks like your just pumping it. Yeah. Remember those?

I backed off and instead of doing what I was supposed to do, I giggled. Let's be honest here. How the heck am I going to have sex with this fluffy pillow if I can't keep a straight face? Although now that I think about it, won't I get sick if I try sucking the banana since it's in that plastic thing? And won't the banana get squished if I try to ride it? Sure it's frozen solid, but I can't risk it. Squished bananas in a woman's crotch isn't fun, people.

I heard footsteps getting closer to my room and I quickly put the pillow under my bed again. Henry walked through the door and I just sat there with my blush getting deeper and deeper.

"Lavi, are you oka-"

"I wasn't fucking a pillow, I swear!" I shouted quickly before slapping my hand over my mouth.

"Uhh…Oookaay. Anyway, I'm going to go explore Victory Road. You wanna come with me?" he inquired.

"Why?"

"Well no one else wants to come along with me, so I guess you're the only one left ask." he answered.

"Well…Sure. Why not? I have nothing better to do." I said with a shrug.

Before we went downstairs, I got a small backpack and a belt. I put on the belt and backpack and I hopped over to Henry's side.

"What's with the backpack?" Henry asked.

"Oh. It's just full of snacks, drinks, and a bunch of other stuff I probably don't need. C'mon! Let's go!" I squealed.

I skipped out the house and Henry followed me out. As I closed the door Ciara pried it open with her hand.

"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Where do you think you're going? You haven't finished your chores!" she said with a scowl.

"I have chores?" I asked.

"Yes. Yes you do! Now get back in there and clean up your dish. You ate from there. Clean it." Ciara barked.

"Geez. Who pissed in your Kyurem O's today? Well all I did was eat someone's leftover pancakes, so it was _their_ plate first, therefore _they_ have to clean it. So whoever left those pancakes should be the one cleaning them." I replied smugly, despite the slight redundancy.

"Well I know I didn't eat pancakes today. All I had was Kalosian toast with some Tauros steak from Kanto - Cinnabar Island style. Oy! Girls! Who the heck ate pancakes today?! Whoever the heck ate pancakes better clean up their plate!" Caira snapped while waving around her electric guitar.

She slammed the door shut and stormed up the stairs, pushing Gabby to the side.

"Hey! That wasn't very nice!" Gaby whined.

"Don't fucking care!" she snarled, prompting Gabby's eyes to water.

"Oh tough it up, you big baby. Like you never heard an insult before?" Ciara growled while slamming the door to her room.

Gabby squeaked out a no and started crying. I felt sorry for her, but at the same time, I kinda didn't. If you think about it, she's crying over being pushed and called a baby. Yeah, Ciara just up and bullied her, which I don't condone, but if it was something different like calling her a living piece of golden shit and just beating the crap out of her for no real reason every day other than just believing that goo can't feel pain, then I'd probably have to beat the shit out of my own friend. I haven't known Gabby personally for a long time, but if I had to guess, I think she'll get over it in an hour or two.

"Is she always like this?" Henry asked despite that fact that he's known her for quite a while. And I don't blame him. Ciara was just snarky and rude, but now she's becoming a bully.

"Ehh. Depends on how she feels. If you're lucky, you might get sarcastic compliment. I heard Alice's daughter Yvonne is much worse." I responded.

"How worse?" Henry asked, a bit scared to find out.

"Umm. Hello? We're talking about a Yveltal here. She's a murderous psychopath! I seriously wonder how she managed to raise a kid with your brother Seth! I don't know if her daughter belongs to Seth or it just magically happened like with Alice and the rest of her kids, but still. She's like, what, ten years old?" I rambled.

Fifteen minutes went by as we walked on over to Victory Road, battling some trainers along the way. Yes, we did curb-stomp them. No, I did not show mercy. I kinda felt bad for those poor Litleos, Riolus, and Pikachus.

Anyway, we entered the building leading to the Victory Road and we turned left to see a small set of stairs leading up to a corridor with lighted posters with pictures of the Kalos Gym Badges to the left and right.

"…Yeah, you know, after going through what we've just gone through, the entrance is pretty lackluster. I hope we'll be able go back the way we came, since it's just you and me, and heck if I know how to fly." I muttered.

Without any interference, we walked through the corridor, and slab thingies slid out from the sides in front of us. They stopped and slammed down, creating a staircase…Now that I think about it, isn't there supposed to be someone who guards this place and lets us in if we got all the badges? Because there wasn't anyone. Were they taking a day off or something?

We walked up the stairs and made our way inside the rather underwhelming Victory Road. There was a body of water to the left and a giant square boulder and a square hole in front of it to the right. And there were torches practically everywhere! I was great so we didn't have to go in complete darkness, but torches are fucking creepy and they have a poor light radius!

"Oh great. The second we come in is the second we need an HM slave…Henry, have you done any pole vaulting?" I asked.

"No. Why?" he answered.

I didn't respond. Instead, I went up to a torch, doused it with water, pulled out the smoldering master stick that kept it together, and walked back to Henry. Blushing, I bent over and beckoned him to grab onto me, piggyback style. Hesitating, he did so and I started walking backwards. I bolted into a run, hopped over the hole, and pole vaulted over the boulder, taking the pole with me just in case.

We walked up some stairs, turned left, walked up more stairs, turned right, more stairs, turned another right, and walked out of that creepy ass cave. We were now stuck outside with a bouldery fork in the road.

"Should we hop over the left boulder or the one right in front of us?" I asked.

"Try the left." Henry suggested.

We pole vaulted over the left boulder and instead of going the normal way, we hoped over three pointy rocks to the right and made pour way back into a cave. As we took a few steps, a Lickitung came out of nowhere and began to attack us with Power Whip. I merely stepped out of the way and shoved him to the side. Lickitung is one of those Pokemon you don't wean see creeping out of shadows. I'll leave it at that.

"Get out of my waay." I said in a singsong tone.

Grumbling, the Lickitung crawled off and we went up more stairs. A female Pokemon Ranger was pacing back and forth muttering to herself. We walked in front her, hoping for a battle to ease our boredom. She just kept muttering.

"So, I've got to steady my arm at this angle…" she muttered.

"Okay?"

"My left hand goes on my hip." she continued.

"Umm…"

"Next, I just bend my knees down ever so slightly. Then stick out my chest like this…"

"What?" Henry said in a confused tone.

"Okay, she's talking about her chest. I'm sorry. What the hell are you saying?" I asked.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't notice you there! A battle, is it? OK, let's get started." she said in a slightly embarrassed tone.

"I think we'll have to wait for some post battle context." I muttered.

She sent out a female Slowbro and she idiotically scratched her butt.

"Hey, guys! Did you hear? There's going to be Dark and Steel Types!" she said excitedly.

"I know! That's pretty neat, man" I stated.

Reaching into my backpack, I took out a slice of chocolate cake and quickly ate it. I started bouncing up and down to the point where there was electricity crackling around me and charged at the Slowbro.

"Oh shit! Just learned that water is weak to electric. The things you learn everyday, man." she whispered as she was KO'd. The Ranger, who I'm just gonna call Beery, sent out a female Altaria.

"Speaking of old, tired, stale jokes, here comes Mr. Milk Mustache!" I squealed.

"Fuck you! I'm a girl!" the Altaria screamed.

"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever." I snarked as I dodged a Dragon Pulse.

With just an Ice Punch, she was KO'd in a snap. Beery withdrew her Pokeballs and made a huff while crossing her arms over her chest.

"I was just working on my victory pose. It's an important part of being a Pokemon Ranger!" she explained to answer my question a minute ago.

"Oh! Okay! It was a normal victory pose as opposed to a pose for something else." I responded as we walked away.

Her mutters were getting lower, but I heard her mutter "I think I'm going to have to stick out my chest a bit more and then pose my right hand like so…" and continued with whatever she was doing.

"I thought she was going to proposition our Lickitung or something. I was getting worried for a second there." Henry grumbled as we hopped over ledges.

"Victory Road! Full of dangerous wild Pokemon, cunning Trainers, and the cave hooker!" I squealed as we walked outside.

We both started laughing our asses off as soon as I said cave hooker. Henry's laughter subsided faster than mine, considering he has standards.

"I shouldn't have laughed at that. Damn you, Lavi." he chuckled.

In the distance, I saw a female Ace Trainer playing with a Magcargo. Wait. Aren't those eaten here? Hey, look! It's precooked and everything…I think Sycamore has a jar of these and likes to eat them when he doesn't give a fuck.

I looked to the right and there was a waterfall and an entrance to another cave, possibly a bunch of staircases leading up to the Pokemon League.

"Well, I guess that's it, Lavi. We skipped a majority of Victory Road, so I guess it's time to head back home." Henry concluded as we went back the way we came.

As we walked back into the building, the stairs went back up and turned into the sliding slabby things. The guard ran at us and started to scold us.

"Bitch, do you know who he is?" I asked indignantly.

"I couldn't care less who he is!" the guard shouted.

"Oh. Well that's funny, because he's the newly avowed World Champion!" I snapped.

"Oh sure. And I guess that means I'm the Duke of Johto!" he snarked.

"Okay, Mr. Dukey Pants. Whatever you say!" I said mockingly as we scurried out.

After another fifteen minutes, we were now in front of the house. I gave Henry my phone and told him to put on a certain song. He almost automatically forgot.

"What do you mean you forgot the song? Okay. Just take my phone and put it on Random. Okay. Three. Two." I ordered.

We dramatically opened the door as the colorful lyrics of the song blasted through the house. Ciara was singing along and everyone was either wide eyed, laughing, or had their jaws on the floor.

"Okay. Turn it off. It didn't work. IT. DID. NOT. WORK." I said calmly.

**A/N: …Excuse me while I contemplate what I'm doing with this fanfic.**


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